So, anyone can write about their sexcapades, or write about being a swinger or being polyamorous, but what I’m trying to do here is my blog is show the evolution and thought process behind it all. As I’ve said before, I believe that people may be born “gay” or “straight”, but when you’re swinging or being poly, it is most certainly a choice, and it is a very uncommon choice for people to make, especially when you’re younger, because you’re not exposed to it at all, and there are so many misconceptions around it.
I had completely forgot in my previous post, to mention that not only was I curious about other men, even though I loved Mr. Muscles with all my heart, but remember that nerdy guy I dated? The first guy I ever really did love? Well, Mr. Muscles and I started dating shortly after we had broken up, and for sure I was conflicted for months, even though nerdy guy never expressed wanting to get back together with me, I was heart broken and still very much in love, but also developing love for Mr. Muscles. As a teenager, what are you supposed to do about that? I chalked it up to being normal, because I was still hurt, and that these feelings would just go away. Truth is, they don’t always, and it’s not something you can ignore… it is completely naive to expect to only ever love one person, or one person at a time, in that deep and meaningful and passionate way. What are you supposed to do about it? How are you supposed to choose? It’s like saying you have to give away one of your children. Is there really any logical way to decide? You say hell no, because you love both your children and don’t want to be without either of them. Love CAN be that way too…
Anyway I know I know, quit yapping about love and get on to the wild two weeks you promised us! Well, unfortunately, you’ve caught me after a bad weekend, and I really don’t have the energy to recount the vivid details from my youth, but to sum it up, there was sex and it was good, very good, dirty kinky fun sex (not as much as I had wanted!). One involved a VERY well endowed red head, and then there were sexy showers with my roomates boyfriend, and a threesome with my roommate and her boyfriend, and then there was a 4 some with my roommate, her boy toy (she broke up with her boyfriend) and the girl down the hall, which ended with 3 of us running naked through the dorms throwing cake at each other. Then there was the cute, long haired Quebeqouis boy, who I propositioned, but was turned down because he had a gf who he really loved at home. Also there was a topless lap dance for one of the senior chiropractic students upstairs, which unfortunately didn’t turn into anything more (i think he was leery that i was so young.)
I ended up never telling Mr. Muscles about any of it… I confessed to kissing a few people and it broke his heart and we yelled and argued on the phone for an hour and I thought we were done, but then 4 hours later at about 5 am there was a knock on my door, and he had got up and left to drive to come see me, to tell me he loved me and we were going to be alright.
I was so happy I went off and did my own thing, I don’t regret it, honestly. College is a once in a lifetime opportunity, at a young age, to experiment and have fun and let go and do what you want “relatively” consequence free. I was still so desperately in love with Mr. Muscles though, and after my first year of school I moved back home to him, and we got a house together and started talking about marriage. I never had the urge ever again to cheat on him or think about anyone else. I was ready to settle down and be his wife, his only love, forever, and be one hundred percent happy about it.
Of course, life never goes to plan.