Do you remember being a teenager, feeling so in love and being swept away by some romance? Expecting men to open doors and always pay the bill and bring you flowers and write you songs? Wanting to know what all the excitement was in a steamy romantic affair? To just run away with a stranger and live happily after?
WTF. Seriously? Hate to break it to you kiddo, that’s not how life works. Affairs never end well, and you man will probably *never* write you a love song, so get over it an move on with your life.
Hindsight is 20/20 of course, because I was young and stupid and thought love was about all those superficial things. I really got caught up with a guy when I was 16 years old. I can truthfully say he was the first person I ever really did love. It was straight from a Hollywood relationship. Shy nerdy guy asks out equally shy nerdy girl, we go for coffee, hold hands, pass each other notes in class, go out on dates and share milkshakes, romantic walks in the park… everything was amazing.
I felt like I was in a movie, until I went away for a few weeks in the summer and ran into an old friend. We had always got along well, but we hadn’t seen each other since we were kids. We had both grown up, and he was quite handsome. (Should I mention he was British? Hello hot accent! *drools*). Now I was conflicted. I didn’t love the Brit, but we had a close connection, and something inside me was burning up. I wanted him so bad.
I told him I had a boyfriend, but that didn’t stop him from holding my hands as we walked because they were cold. He also didn’t mind when we sat down on a park bench and I leaned my head on his shoulder. I wanted for something to happen because I thought it would be awfully romantic, two old friends getting together, realizing their deep love and passion for each other, a romantic affair would start, there would be a quarrel between two men, over me! Somehow in the end it would all work out, right? We would all be happy and it would just be perfect…
Nothing ended up happening with the Brit. I didn’t cheat on my boyfriend, I never saw the Brit again, my bf and I were together a little while and of course, broke up, but now I was lost and confused. If you’re dating someone, you shouldn’t WANT to cheat on them, right? Now I know I was just lusting over the Brit, but when you’re 16, your hormones kick in and you can’t tell the difference between love and lust. I truly felt torn… how can you love two people at once?
It’s not romantic like in the movies. It’s confusing as hell, and it took me until 10 years later to figure it all out.