So my days of lesbian experimentation was over. As mentioned, kids can be cruel, especially in highschool. It wasn’t that I didn’t like girls anymore, it was just that I had enough trouble going through school with big glasses and braces. My girlfriend was long gone to save her own reputation and very quickly slutting it up with the senior classmen, but that just wasn’t my style. I was still young and naive and quite frankly, while I wanted to have a boyfriend and be “normal”, the idea of sex or being associated romantically with men scared the crap out of me.
Fast forward to grade 10, I finally manage to score a REAL boyfriend. (I say real, because I had two “online” boyfriends who were guys I knew from a summer camp, that I saw once a year and we were ‘in love’. HA!) So back to my REAL boyfriend, things were great. Sure I thought I loved him, whatever 14 year olds think love is, and we held hands and went for ice cream, we made out, he touched my boob, and that was about it. Like any other highschool relationship, within a few weeks we split up, and life went on.
Surprisingly that year, I got another “real” boyfriend, problem was he was 5 years older than me and had a daughter. Needless to say my parents weren’t thrilled, and again, it didn’t last very long.
These were basically the only standard and normal relationships I had. They were with straight, heterosexual men, and I was a straight, heterosexual woman. There was no one else involved, nothing sexual ever happened, no one cheated on anyone or left anyone for another person, we were all very devoted to each other and were the best boyfriends and girlfriends we could be and of course, never imaged being with anyone else for the rest of our lives. It was all very vanilla and we were none the wiser.
Looking back at those times, I suppose they were simple. It made life easy to just know what to expect, how to act, how other people view you and respond. We were what everyone else in society was, and wanted us to be. It wasn’t until the next year when I started noticing that “love” wasn’t as black and white as everyone makes you believe.